I love the feeling that I know when deep down things are sorted, clean to the bone. I have always loved to have my cupboards organised. Knowing that behind closed doors things are sorted, organised and nothing is hidden. I also love cleaning the inside of things like my dishwasher, my washing machine, oven, the inside of the jug. I love sparkling saucepans and the feeling of a freshly cleaned home.
There is a place in my home that I have had a problem with and that is what I call my office, it is a desk and the COMPUTER. If I was to describe my computer I would say it is bulging at the seams and ready to burst. I had been ignoring my computer and the mess inside.
About 12 months ago I cleared nearly all my emails, but I did not commit to setting aside a time each day in my daily routine that would support me to stay up to date with dealing with my emails and so they escalated again. I also left a small folder of papers to look at, which I didn't. Now I was back in the same place. I pile of papers has grown a bit but the computer is out of hand. Because of this every time I go to the computer I feel an anxiousness, I feel unsettled.I can't stay in my body. I can instantly get distracted and not do what it was that I had set out to do. Going to my computer had become quite unbearable.
So I enrolled in a 4 week course with Simplicity in Living. An online Decluttering My Office course that is offered by Nikki Mckee. During this time I realise so much, I was not seeing what was underneath my cluttered computer. This course allowed me to stop and see what had been avoiding for so long, what I didn't want to look at. This fear I had of commitment left a trail of unfinished tasks. These had been questions that I have been asking myself for years.
What am I afraid of ?
Why won't I complete things ?
Why do I give up and not committee to completing something ?
I can see now that my small pile of papers was about so much more.
My 4 weeks course has finished, but this course will be a something that I will take with me for the rest of my life. I am still working on my computer and emails and my basket of papers. But I now know that I am committed to finishing the sorting and also committed to life. But what I realised is that this lack of commitment and trail of incomplete things ran through every facet of my life. I start and then run out of steam, or I reach a hurdle where I would not ask for support. I cannot express what I am feeling. I feel like I have unlocked a vault and thrown away the key. This feels so joyful even more joyful then hanging the clothes on the line. Because now the joy is coming from inside me. I am bursting at the seams.
Thank you Nikki for offering such an amazing course.
(I will update photos as I progress)