Yesterday after a bit of avoiding I went into the office. I slowly started to go through each piece of paper making sure that I didn't get overwhelmed. Stopping and feeling how I was, talking to myself as I was sorting papers, taking breaks. Even though this was only a few baskets of papers, it was a lot to let go of, not in the papers but in the way that I had chosen to do things. I wouldn't stop and feel what to do with things, I would be on such a mission to get things done. The ticking boxes thing. I was going to make every thing better. Fix my life. By cleaning and decluttering I was in control.
What I feel now is that I was forgetting to APPRECIATE myself and the amazing changes that I have made to my life. Now it takes me 5 minutes to clear away things that I may not have put away at the time, e.g. the dinning room table. My biggest lesson in all of this has been that I don't have to be PERFECT. I am forever unfolding so there will always be different choices to make and sometimes these come with a mess attached.