My paper Work. Day 4

Day 4. There have been more days between these days then 1 day. I have been spending weeks were I could feel that I didn't want to go near my paper work, I have been doing everything instead of it. Avoiding going into the office. Ignoring the baskets. Moving them from one room to the next in order to not deal with what was coming up for me. I didn't want to feel what was going on. 
I have always had a tendency to not finish what I start. I go in full steam ahead and before long i've puttered out. But this was showing me so much more then just not finishing  something. It was about not wanting to move on in my life. This little pile of papers was like the plug in the sink, I was deliberately not pulling the plug. I can feel how I was fighting making different choices because I was happy with my life as it was going. But my body was telling me something else. Because I was holding back in one part of my life I was holding back in every part of my life. I was starting to feel like I had locked myself in a cell, and I could feel when I looked in the mirror that I was not living my life instead I was hiding. I had lost the joy and sparkle that I once had. Then the other day I said to myself.  Just start. If this is the thing I don't want to do more then anything else. Just go and do it. ( Interestingly enough this is what I say to clients, I will have to start listening to myself more.)